Clueless Father in-law?

My husband has had a strained relationship with his dad and in the past year they have been working on their relationship. We just had a baby and now I am having a lot of problems with my father in-law. He constantly drops by unannounced, he refuses to wash his hands before holding the baby, he’s a chain smoker and doesn’t understand why we won’t let him babysit stating that his children all turned out just fine, he also pulls the pacifier from my son’s mouth saying that only sissy’s use pacifiers. My husband is just as annoyed as I am but is afraid that it will set their relationship back if he confronts him. At what point am I entitled to say something to him? I respect and love my husband very much, but I also have the welfare of my son to worry about as well.

You don’t have to involve your husband. When FIL pops over, grab the baby and just simply say………..Your not holding or touching him any more until AFTER you wash your hands!! There is nothing wrong in saying this at all.

Tell him to also stop with pulling the pacifier out also, this is your baby and you will do as you feel with your baby. Tell him his negative words may be being said to a baby right now, but you’ll be damned if he’ll start off calling his grandson names at this age or any!
Your a mom now. You need to let this protective strongness come from your mouth now!! ‘

As for babysitting, you make that choice as a parent